paranoia;;

and when she speaks

Sunday, June 10, 2007

and now im 41kg exactly.

sigh. i guess im not recovering from my stomach flu yet. my constant diarrhoea-s have just changed to feelings of puking. like every other second. no im not pregnant w a cute lil monster. ya after i eat i just feel nauseous and i have to keep telling myself it's not in the mind.

it's scary though, i began to doubt myself. after 1 whole day being this way (feel like puking and want to puke cause i think i wld feel better after it), i got really scared. if it's in e mind.. MAN. who knows how long it's going to stay. and i'll be like semi-crazy. i was afraid im becoming anorexic just now when i stood in a toilet cubicle halfway through my delipotato, gagging. but phew? im not. cause i really did puke. like everything i ate again. e bit of delipotato i had and a sausage waffle. swoosh. all out in a BK plastic bag (hyuk hyuk. now when you takeaway at Burger King, you'll feel just that little grossed-out ..). i shall spare you all the cute details.

this feel-like-puking feeling scuks. even more than e diarrhoea. sigh. i dont know how to make myself feel better. i cant eat all the food i want to eat. i tell you, i'm craving.

im craving wanton mee with the fried wantons from BukitBatok, the fried wantons from Bugis, potato gratin, cereal prawn, ice monster's mango sherbet, paddle pop, chocolate ice cream, potato chips, chocolate, frosted cereal, chips more and basically all other unhealthy and junk food. (like that how to do 6 lesson plans on the theme: "Healthy Eating" for my kids in the centre?) but i cant eat all of those. normally when i'm sick, mummy buys me the wanton mee. now she says it's oily and fried, i can't eat it. starchy stuff too cause it's hard to digest. and to tell the truth, im afraid to eat anything else too in fear of feeling worse than i already do. and when i feel like puking i dont feel like eating anything too. simply the thought grosses me out. so i can eat basically 3 three things:

congee. porridge. zhou1.

ya. these THREE. and they all come out of my system almost immed too. just that they dont have so much side effects. how pathetic can?!! .. and that i can type 3paragraphs+ just about it?! I HATEEEE IT. really, Stomach Flu, i scorn you. despise you. look at you with contempt.

ok no really i love you please go away.

ya. did a track event for NationalHealthGroup at ACJC today. going j.e then to nique's place fer project tml. till monday if my stomach allows. reschedule make-up session w mentor to tue and wed. friday 2 major projects due-(what are they about again?). sat event. 1 word. busy.

im tired. im sick. but im just glad im having my break from the daily centre visits. correction for last entry, besides it being the time you MISS your home, bed the most, it is also when you APPRECIATE your home, bed and freedom the most. ya. i love my bed *kisskiss*. now all i want to do is get well. i guess health is really the most important thing.

so, just be happy if it's a normal day for you. embrace it, carpe diem! smile and be glad. for you're healthy and you can do anything your heart desires. many of us tend to forget such small but important points as we go along. sounds cheesey and cliche-y. but really la ok. hahs.. love!

her
THOUGHTS
EVOKED
2:35 AM;;

Thursday, June 07, 2007

heya. i haven been feeling well recently. bad case of stomach flu :((( all i could and feel like doing is sleep. went to e centre and went back during my break and skipped e next day. funniest thing i ever heard from a doctor...

"oh it's okay if you dont eat for a few days. because your stomach cannot handle food. hmm.. just drink water? ya"

and i was like WIDE-EYED-organs-jumping-out 'DONT EAT FOR A FEW DAYS?!' am i THAT sick? i think i would probably die from hunger instead (oh btw im reading my 4th series from the 7deadly sins by Wasserman. talk bout this later) yea, let me wallow in self-pity a lil longer in hopes of receiving TLC from ma blog readers. -.- i tell you, stomach flu is NOT fun. everybody (ok well not everybody, but FEMALES) actually ask me 'how to geddit huh? i also want leh. jian fei da ji hua' because you cant eat much and you have diarrhoea every like nanosecond (i mean every few mins. seriously! till your butt hurts and the toilet is like a haunted mansion to you) and well afterwhich you'll lose weight. used to always be 43kg, flucuating btw 42.5 and 43.5? now im like 41kg. ANGELIA and SARAH! i dont need to start my exercise program anymore!

ok as i said, stomach flu is not a good thing to have. you feel weak all over and you wont know how to make yourself feel better. in fact, im not fully recovered yet. :( i want to recover and eat my junkfood and gain back my ulcers. ... ok enough wallowing.

wonder why i mentioned the 7 Deadly Sins by Wasserman? cause the last sin to be convicted is gluttony or sth, which links to hunger. right? right. been reading it since the first of the series caught my attention with a darn prettay maroon cover w e title LUST over it. haha. am reading the 4th, wrath right now. wheee. its really nice i tell you. have SLOTH on my hands too. muahaha.

oh ya before i end, i must really say this. it's when you are most tired out and cant have your own leisure time, your house or simply, your bed, you miss it the most! times like training camp and all, but most importantly, times when you're at your CHILDCARE CENTRE. i really really miss my home and my bed. esp when im sick like these few days. after almost a week of being at the centre 9am to 5pm, you really feel all drained out. i cant explain the feeling. i guess only fellow ECH Educators will understand my plight. i mean, when you pat the children to sleep and they refuse to sleep, you feel like URGH. I Would Love To Sleep Right Now CAN?! yea. but you will still smile sweetly and pat them. wait till they wake up and continue your teacher role. i still adore kids, but being ard them 24/7 as teacher and replying to their every whims and needs, you cant help but feel suffocated. yep, i think that's the word.

i cant wait fer my 2 weeks break, even if it's to rush all my projects and lesson plans. i cant wait to go back to being a child again. being the child, not the adult.

her
THOUGHTS
EVOKED
9:58 PM;;

Sunday, June 03, 2007

Bigass photo of me and Sarah in GAP Kids changing room.

ARR i know im abandoning my blog again :( pardon me alrights? been rather busy recently to update but i fear its gg to get worse because....

my FieldPracticum (or some say, attachment) is starting! Tomorrow! its 9am-5pm at the centre everyday, doing lesson plans, preparing lesson materials, doing up games fer learning corners and basically turning my hair grey.

NO LA. rubbish. im barely 19. ANYWAY, i seriously cant imagine myself being like a real teacher at the childcare centre. im sure many ECH-ians share my sentiments. the ongoing work will kill us all. and we dont even have PAY! just a measly $30 allowance fer our materials! its not even enough i tell you. sigh. i dont even know what i have to do yet. no lesson plan ideas in mind and such. only thing that curbs my fear fer e time being is our 2wk break aft our 1st wk of FP. since 1st week is like orientation with the children. but tt 2 wks we have like 3 major projects due? (which i have no idea what they are about) ya, after that break it's e scary part. shall not think about it first.

tsk. June is a really busy month. July will be quite too. and and.. my birthday falls on on FP dates too.. :((( i guess i cant wait for this attachment part to be over and i return to student life again in sem2 though i'll be doing my IEP (i dont know what that stands for). but then again a few wks later, its BYEBYE poly life. gosh. time flies. let's not go that far yet.

right now, i'll just say BYEBYE to funkynails of mine.

yep, loved 'em though its kinda scary to some. but its cool you know, *jumps up and down*. when you see it from one side it's all white and when you see it from the other, it's all black. ya, my friends told me that in a very excited manner. nonetheless, byebye fer 2mths+. like DUH, do you think a teacher in a preschool can have such fingernails?

:( btw, my big toe is painted a different color from the rest of my toes too. HAH. of course they are pretty. i'll keep 'em and tell the children "oh because just now Ms Shirley was bored so she used the colorpencils to color the big toe" or sth like that. If they asked.

im going out to cut my hair. and in case you're wondering whats the point of that first photo in this entry, i dont know either. bye! (:

(EEKS WHY doesnt my entry have any spacing! why does it combine all my text tgt! ugly! grrfh)

her
THOUGHTS
EVOKED
6:21 PM;;

Friday, June 01, 2007

:( spent a totally boring day at home with only my novel, tv and computer fer company. havent stayed one whole day at home in quite a long time. and felt so pointless at that. grrfh.

*pouts so that my ulcers show

her
THOUGHTS
EVOKED
10:59 AM;;