i thought i can hold it all in.

i thought i can pretend as if nothing's wrong.

i thought you guys understood.

i thought i have found a place wher i belong.

i thought, i thought.

and then i realized again tt things arent always what i thought they are.

another day with a lot of mixed up emotions running thru me. all those qns with nobody whom i can turn to fer answers. i dont want to admit tt i have thought wrong. i dont want to feel like how i'm feeling now. it feels horrible. i just want to go there, do wad i'm supposed to do and just focus on it (since i'm nt gd at it too anyway) . but i cant. i just have to look up and i will see things tt i do nt really wish to see. and each time i c it, or just think about it, i feel like crying.

i dont know how to talk to those ppl anymore. i'm drifting further away n i dn see them or even myself tryin to salvage e situation. let nature take its own course? hah. sld i even be e 1 to question what have gone wrong or are they supposed to talk to me? or maybe theres actually nuttin much to really talk about. maybe i'm paranoid. maybe i think too much. maybe i dunno i cant think of e word. or maybe i'm just concerned? anyhow. if i needed to do some things so tt things wld be e same/ tt i wldnt be forgotten, is such a friendship still worth it? sometimes i wonder. (make tt all the time) and i thought u understood too. but...

at times i feel like there is really nobody i can talk to (about this issue i mean). and i dont want to admit tt. i DONT WANT TO. but i have to.

/sigh. all my happy entries are missing. i have so mani happy things i wan to blog about but they just kept gettin pushed back cuz all these negative stuffs are filling up my days, my life, me.

*n i'm still sick. hais.

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