was so certain i'm gg to blog so much stuffs whenever i think about it but sumhow each time when i come in here, i dont feel like doing so anymore.
maybe cuz i'm tired. maybe i hav way too much to say n i'm holding back. maybe i'm thinkin too much i dont know how to put 'em all down. maybe there are too mani personal things i cant let out here. maybe i'm too confused myself.. bout what i'm thinking.. tt its hard to put them in words in hopes tt they wld make sense. or maybe i'm just plain lazy.
GAHHH. so mani things gg thru my mind! gettin a headache.. sheesh.
sch's starting!! omg nooooooooooooooooooooooo! DREAD DREAD DREAD (do u realize tt e letters tt form dread are all near each other? ANYWAY)! i have barely begun my holiday n schs startin alr :*( i hope yr 2 wont be bad... n hope i get a nice childcare centre too. but 1 thing alr makes me kind of dread e start of yr 2---i wld be in a new block! no more blk 16 *BooHoos* no more being in canteen 2 forever. no more being near e sports complex. no more wonderful iced holicks n kickapoo n chicken rice n western food n peaceful canteen w music n being near e childcare n having ice cream over at e green patch. lols... another thing.. i'm gonna be startin sch as a *GASP* senior! no longer a freshie! lols.. Bee n yin joinin us in np too. :)
speakin of sch, we juz had cca fiesta ydae. had our performance then too.. all our hard work fer e dance.... paid off? sighs. i dn really think so. e performance kind of.. scuked. hais. wrong timing, fergettin steps? i felt horrible during & aft e performance. practiced so hard fer it den...practised e whole of wed thur n fri, slept n woke thinkin bout it but... i dn even dare to watch e video. sighs. its ok.
slacked ard with e usual ppl aft e performance.. n had a gabfest x) this time it dint feel so gd thou. learnt about some stuffs which i arent too happy about.
e same thing's been on my mind since then. i'm surprised at e behavior of some ppl. i think this person has got too vivid an imagination. imagining things tt dint happen at all. like pls, what history do i have with u? tt even seems it sld hav been common knowledge to both of us tt THATs e reason y we dont like each other? did i ever cross paths with u last time? n i doubt we have connections to same guys? thought long n hard n i cldnt think of sucha thing happening b4. i felt like i was gonna burst n talked to bee n ching today. bee told me of this 1 guy n i tell u if its true i wld LAUGH. LAUGH SO HARD my mouth wld break n drop into millions of pieces so u can play jigsaw puzzle.
1) i din keep contactin him thou i dn like him (for pete's sake, i dint even own his hp no.) 2) i seldom reply him thou he contacts me once in awhile using random numbers 3) i dint noe u. 4) much less noe u liked him (n u even liked him b4 he liked u. wow) 5) much much less tt he liked u back? (gees maybe tts e reason y he keeps tellin me he likes me, writes me poems n stuffs like tt. u noe, cuz he likes u! * sarcasm dripping) 6) i guess its alr common knowledge to mani tt i get turned off easily especially when i noe this person likes me but i dn harbour mutual feelings. i cant help feelin afraid of this person n start to ignore him? read this entry. just highlight e last paragraph to get my drift>
e list cld go on lahs. sheesh. i dn even noe y i'm botherin about this. its so secondary sch-y. but i juz cant help but wonder how u cld be so ... like you :/ saying such things behind my back n still pretending to be otherwise. i admit i'm still rather surprised tt u cld say such things (nt bout tt guy thingy THAT i am ultra surprised) thou i dint really show it n acted like ya, e feelings mutual. but tts not really. i dn realli dislike you. i juz dn like e way u behave sometimes but i dn feel tt way bout u like i cld go tell ppl n say "hey u noe actualli i dont like her."
i hate it tt i cant help thinkin about it even now. at 5am in e morning. i hate it tt you are making me feel this way. i haven really felt this way about a person since.. well.. since.. this other person in sec sch, lets call her F. i'm sure my gd frens all noe hu i'm talking about.
how silly i am. i feel like confronting you but i know i cant do tt. but oh, how silly! *laughs at myself* i'm trying to think of how i'm gonna behave ard u now tt i've known e truth. i doubt i can act as well as u. so i dont think i wld be as nice alr. when u come looking fer me, i dunno if i'll be there. i think i wld still be able to giv u a tight smile. yippe.
anyways, ppl are startin to c u fer hu u are.
i guess ppl can always tell wad kind of a person u are after a while. tts wad happened to F too.
i just hope, really hope, tt such ppl wldnt come into my life again.
such a ridiculously long entry again. i wonder if it even makes sense. doesnt matter. tis' my last night of comp-ing till such hrs alr i guess.. i'm so gonna miss this long holiday.... this entry seems sad. i shall end on a happy note den? YAY i'm happy yes i am.
-dont noe y i'm thinking about it so much -n i really question ur motives.
